I would like to share my heart…
Who I am is just this. Who I am. I love freely and unconditionally no matter what. This year I have lost some people I deeply love and care about in a variety of ways. Death, falling outs, shut outs.
I continue to love, just love. Not for recompense or reciprocation. I feel deep gratitude when I can go beyond the hurt I feel at first and make it to the part where my happiness dwells.
I became reflective over a recent status change in a dear relationship. That’s when I realized, I love anyway. In the blink of an eye, I have changed. I do not fault either of us, nor is there any blame to lay. No reason to. If an opportunity arises to reevaluate the situation enough to restore our friendship, things will be different. I’ve changed.
Impulse was what I once used to do life because life was so very painful, too painful to face with just myself. I couldn’t stand to be alone with myself for very long because I would do stupid shit and that would make me hate myself all that much more.
It was like I couldn’t help myself. “What’s the matter with me?”, “Why am I doing that?”, “How come people don’t understand me?”, “Why can’t you just do what I want?” I walked through life with lots of pain only to begin to scratch the surface and then deny I wasn’t comfortable in my skin.
I began a program of spiritual growth only to uncover what I once thought so repulsive. ME. I began to get to know me. How sensitive I am. How loving I am. How quirky I really am. How my gifts help. That the gifts that I have are a way for me to hold space for healing and many other things.
I am blessed in a variety of ways and I am a very powerful individual steeped in unconditional love. Today I understand what turning the other cheek means without giving up who you are. I have been given the gift of letting go as well.
That allows me to bask in God’s Grace only to be filled with gratitude once more.
Thank you God for making me a miracle.